


Sorry is just another word you say

by Romano_the_great



Series: Everything gets twisted [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Gaslighting, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Manipulation, Mild Gore, Poor Roman, after pof, blood mention but not much, dark side!Roman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:08:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28208076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romano_the_great/pseuds/Romano_the_great
Summary: The gang meets up to discuss what happened during 'putting others first'. things get a little heated after roman realizes they want him to apologize.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, i suppose hinted Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, idk
Series: Everything gets twisted [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2086179
Comments: 16
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> read the tags before reading. there is a lot of swearing in this and one part has a bit of blood. (i was kinda projecting but that doesn't matter) its not much but imma still put a warning. the title is from the song painkiller by beachbunny. im kinda proud of this so yeah... enjoy i guess.

Roman glanced at the mirror, his hair was a wreak, he had eyebags that could match Virgil’s makeup, his sash was a rumpled mess. He snapped his fingers and grabbed the makeup from a now floating bag beside his head. He quickly applied the makeup and fixed his hair. Today was the day they were going to talk about what had happened in pof. 

A lot had changed since then, Thomas had a date on Saturday, he had mended things with the panic at the everywhere. He even got his brother to apologize for knocking him out. But a lot of things were still the same. None of the other sides (logan, Virgil, Remus) knew what had happened during the episode. He avoided Patton whenever he could and avoided Janus even more so. He had not apologized for overreacting yet. A part of him thought that Janus needed to apologize back, he was the one who manipulated roman, but he ignored the voice. No one ever said sorry to roman, it was always his fault. the others always had to wait for him to get his head out of the clouds and plant his feet back firmly on the ground, to have him stop being an overdramatic mess and get a grip of himself and pay attention. He was not even the one who started the fight most of the time! 

He sighed; he could already feel Thomas pulling him. He glanced at the mirror one last time before he sunk up. 

“why hello my fellow sides! Do not fret because it tis me your prince! roman!” roman turned, a fake smile plastered on his face, his posture oozing the confidence he wished he had. 

“why hello kiddo! We haven’t seen you in a while!” Patton said looking almost sad at that. 

(Roman doubted Patton was sad he disappeared.) 

“well, I’ve been busy with my princely duties, ya know quests ideas and stuff.” 

It was not technology a lie, just not the full truth. He had been working nonstop to try and make Thomas proud, but he would have done that anyways. But it was quite normal for him to not sleep for weeks at a time then go into a video looking like he was the most handsome person ever. the reason Patton had not seen him was slightly different then expected. 

Roman survived the room. everyone was in their normal spaces except for deceit who was standing next to a very disgruntled (was logan blushing?!?) logan. Roman stifled a laugh. 

“so, let’s cut to the chase I think some of us are owed apologies.” Logan said firmly after a moment. 

Roman waited to expect one of them to speak up. Then he realized they were all staring at him. 

“wait- you want me to apologize to you!” Roman was taken a back. He knew he could be an asshole at times but what they did to him evened it out. 

The others nodded. Roman felt his nostrils flare, his vision went red. He took a deep breathe trying to keep his cool. 

‘yeah, because you guys haven’t manipulated me and insulted me for years without allowing me to defend myself! Calling me stupid and forcing me to change due to Patton’s constantly changing morals, and then the split. I think I’m a little sick of apologizing repeatedly!’ he thought to himself. 

Instead, he gave a half smile and continue. 

“Virgil I’m sorry for being an asshole, logan I’m sorry for ignoring you, Patton I’m sorry for existing, deceit I’m sorry for making fun of you name.” roman was trying to come off sincere, but he couldn’t keep the bitterness from taking at least a bit of the statement. 

“wait what was the middle one?” Virgil said after a minute. 

“I said sorry to Patton, oh wait I never apologized to Thomas! Thomas I’m sorry I disappointed you and that I wasn’t good enough to be you hero,” roman added solemnly (he would not admit that his voice maybe cracked at that statement. 

They all just stared at him eyes wide. 

“well, if that’s all! I’ll just see myself out.” Roman said in a sing song tone the false smile once again painted on, albeit a bit sloppier then usual. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“what do you mean by not being Thomas’s hero?” he looked up at the owner of the hand, it was Virgil. of course, it was Virgil. 

“oh, did you guys not fill them in on what happened before I got here,” Roman had told them to call him a bit later to the meeting. ‘regal duties and quests!’ he had lied, but that was beside the point. 

“we wanted to wait for you, logan thought it would be good to have everyone’s perspective on the situation,” Patton frowned. “so, should we show them,” 

As perusal everyone was staring at him to make the move. To snap his fingers and show his side of the story. Normally he would try to code it so it would show things in a better light, but there was nothing that could be shaded with rose tinted glasses. He had made the mistake and he’d have to pay for it. he winced already thinking of their expressions once they saw what he did. Roman sighed, better to get it over with. 

“the whole episode or the part before I left? I have no idea what happened after!” 

“let’s just show the part where you got angry,” Patton said in a very unPatton manner. There was almost a broken anger that was coded mysteriously as an undertone only roman seemed to hear. However, it wasn’t mysterious why it was there. 

Roman sighed and snapped his fingers. 

“well, here’s a start, my name… my name is Janus,” 

Roman laughed. 

“Janice! What are you? A middle school Liberian!” roman continued laughing. “it’s a stupid name!” 

“oh, roman thank god you don’t have a mustache, otherwise between you and Remus I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is!” 

Roman gasped and looked back and forth from Thomas and Patton. 

“are-are you guys seriously going to take his side!” 

“no” Thomas whispered. 

“over me!” roman looked sadly at the ground. “Thomas,” 

They were silent for a moment. 

“I thought I was your hero!” 

“y-you are!” Thomas’s eyes almost begged roman to believe him. 

Roman glanced over to deceit, who nodded his head. He started laughing almost in pain. 

“w-wow! I cannot believe this! DID YOU FORGET HE’S EVIL?! AND YOUR NOT! Or you’re not supposed to be…! Your supposed to be good! YOU CAN’T- “He was cut off by Patton 

“Roman! Everything is going to be okay kiddo! We love you!” 

“right,” Roman muttered sinking out. 

Roman snapped his fingers once again ending the scene. 

“now that you are all caught up can I leave now!?” Roman stared desperately at Thomas begging him to give roman a free pass out. 

Thomas was looking at logan. They seemed to be having a silent conversation. Which was funny seeing as logan was just an aspect of Thomas personality. So roman planted his gaze firmly on the ground avoiding the disappointing glares that were sure to be there. 

“Roman,” he glanced up at Virgil. “I know I’m like the least likely/qualified person to tell you this, I suppose this should make it more convincing! But do not think it’s not true! That’s not what I meant at all!” Virgil took a deep breath. “we all love you Roman! You done amazing things! And I know it not easy to do the right thing! But that is why I’m so amazed with you- er we all are! We’re humans or at least partially human, and we all make mistake!” 

“in the begging I suggested we call lee and Mary lee,” Roman mumbled. 

“what?” the rest of them looked at each other confused. 

“in the begging, Thomas told me he wanted to get rid of his anxiety. Then I was blamed for not being accepting enough! I was nice to deceit-Janus and everyone told me he was EVIL! NOW IM BEING BLAMED FOR NOT BEING GOOD! I WANTED TO GO TO THE FUCKING WEDING! YOU TOLD ME THAT WAS SELFISH, SO I CHANGED! SO, I COULD STILL- “his voice broke, tears burst from his eyes. The dam he had built all these years bursting and flooding his face and words. “Still be-be Thomas’s hero, that’s what I was made for… AND THAT’S NOT ALL! I WORK LIKE A DOG TRYING TO GET IDEAS FOR YOU STUPIDLY HIGH STANDERS LOGAN! AND WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU TELL ME EVERY SIGNLE GOD-DAMH TIME! ‘it’s a Very nICe rOUGh DRaFt, bUt I don’T tHINK IT’S REALISTIC ENOUGH TO EVEN CONSIDER IT YOU STUPID OVER DRAMTIC BRATTY PRINCE!!!’ I HAVE TO CHANGE MYSELF EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF THE F-ING DAY BECAUSE PATTON CAN’T FIGURE OUT HIS GOD-DAMH SHIT! ITS FINE WHEN PATTON IS CONFUSED! BUT APPARENTLY, I MAKE ONE MISTAKE AND THE ENTIRE FANDOM IS AFTER ME! AND MAYBE IM BEING THE SAME DRAMTIC OVER BARING UNWORTHY BRAT I’VE ALWAYS BEEN! BUT I JUST WANT A GOD-DAHM BREAK FROM YOU ASSHOLES! I WAS SPLIT APART AND HAD PART OF ME CALLED EVIL SO OF COURSE I HAVE TO BE THE PERFECT CHILD! I DON’T KNOW WHY I EVEN TRY ANYMORE! I’M CLEARLY NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE WITH YOU GREEDY SELF-LOATHING KINGS!” 

Roman gave a mocking bow, his costume flickering from his normal white and red design to a black and dull orange wrinkly version. 

“WELL, IF IM NOT THE HERO, THEN I GUESS IM THE VILLAIN. EVERYONE MIGHT HATE ‘PRINCE ROMAN’ BUT EVERYONE LOVES THE VILLAN, THE BAD GUY! SO HERE YOU ARE!” Inky goo rose and surrounded his glitching form. “nice to meet you, I’m insecurity!” 

Insecurity smiled. “I also represent pride, bruised egos, and guilt, oh and apathy! I’m Thomas’s personal superiority complex!” He almost sung this statement looking at his now black nails. “I guess self-perseverance forgot that his duty was to protect the ego! Whoops I guess its too late now!” He laughs manically. 

He had a black crown that seemed to be expelling blood dripping onto his face. His sash was a dirty dull rusty orange and had multiple rips leading down to the end. His logo was gone instead replaced with a short sleeved pj top with bruises scattering his arms. His pants had turned into orange sweatpants with little black stars covering ever other inch. 

The others of course did not give too much attention to his stunning new outfit. Instead chosen to focus on his crumbling attitude of being Thomas’s hero. 

“I suppose y’all might want a name from little old me, I don’t think roman will work anymore! How about- nah that would not work… none of you would like what I choose anyways! So, I guess your turn to pick my name!” 

“roman- “Virgil started. 

“DON’T CALL ME THAT! That name is like a dying star. Soon forgotten, imploding with the force of a galaxy being created but with no baby stars popping out, just a soler system plunged into darkness.” They all stared at him. “I can still be ‘extra’ ya know! It does not like we’ve been split apart into two different people,” he glared a Patton. “the man you call Roman is sleeping right now, kind of like how Virgil can turn into- “ 

“STOP- WE GET IT!” Virgil took a deep breath. “can I talk to roman please! I miss him,” 

Insecurity narrowed his eyes. 

“you’ve never had an interest in ‘roman’ before, why should he care. I’m protecting him,” 

Tears poked at the corners of Virgil’s eyes, but he did not say anything. 

Insecurity turned towards Patton. 

“anything to say for yourself padre?” he raised an eyebrow at the shaking father figure. 

“I-I” 

“i-i! what! I am sorry? Guess what it’s too late for apologize morality!” 

Insecurity smiled turning toward Thomas. 

“I’m afraid I must go sort rooms and inform my brother about my situation. I’m sure he’ll be delighted I got sick of you guys manipulating me and left to live with him, he’s been begging me to do so for years!” he glanced at Patton once more. “and do not even try blaming him, you brought this apron yourselves. Now have a nice date Thomas! I am giving Virgil the romantic trait so you can still love and shit! Now have a wonderful day~” 

With that he left.


	2. I feel like I'm the worst so i always act like I'm the best!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops. i did it again, i stayed up all night working on fanfiction~! fun fact this comes from a word doc that i called 'part two of the thing you arn't supposed to have!' of course i didn't mean to stay up all night but i just came out to my friends and the anxeity still haunts me even thought they reacted well. but coming out did bring up all the sadness that came from coming out to my mom sooooo, yeah here's some fancy fanfic thats bearly edited and not betaread. just a warning that there is some mild injury so watch out and the chapter title is from the song "oh no" by miria and the dimands i thougt it was kinda fitting. if i missed any tags let me know and enjoy.

Insecurity rose into a dark hallway. He spun around realizing he was facing a wall and stared. He had risen to where his door used to be. The long hallway that consisted of the light sides doors and what used to be his entrance to the imagination. 

He ran his hand along the doorframe to the enchanting world that used to be his own. The door formally had crayon drawing from when he was young, art pieces he was proud of, his greatest moments with the pictures to prove it scattered across the arch. Now the door was a slightly darker shade of brown, the pictures were blank and there was no sign he was ever proud of something. The light that beamed from underneath the doorframe was turned off, almost like it never existed in the first place. 

He couldn’t bring himself to care about it though. If he were Roman, he’d be devastated that all his arduous work flushed down the drain. But the fanciful prince was always just a disguise. The stupid superiority complex showing. he’d act like the world revolved around him to hide the fact that he was insignificant overall. 

Though insecurity and pride aren’t so different. That’s why it’s so easy to fake. You need to be insecure at one thing to be prideful at another. You needed to feel pride at one point to know your insecure. They were not opposite as people often suspected, they were able to coincide with each other with poise and balance. A scale that should never be tipped. if you had to much pride your little flaws would magnify, you’d obsess over becoming perfect in everything leading too much insecurity. If you had too much insecurity then to make sure people weren’t just pitying you and your terrible habits, you’d pretend to be the best, to think you’re the best. Eventually you’d start to believe it leading to too much pride. The cycle is endless. The balance should never be messed with, and his little see-saw mindset was so fucked up he didn’t think there could be any fix to it. 

Today he’d shown that unbalance, which means things would never be the same- 

Suddenly he straightened, awoken from his thought he realized that he had given Virgil the romantic trait. That meant Virgil was probably freaking out. And when Virgil freaks out, he runs to his room to hide. That room just so happened to be the one that was a few inched away from the door he’d been rubbing like some sort of magic lamp. 

He cursed under his breath. He didn’t want to leave. Leaving meant this would be the last time he could still pretend to be roman. The last time everything would be almost normal. 

That almost made him cry, except for a little fact. There was something in his chest blocking any emotion from computing. He didn’t necessarily feel sad. It was just the extra dump of emptiness that being without the people he’d considered his friends never being close again that made him want to sob. 

He couldn’t care, and he shouldn’t care. Caring left him broken and alone. It’s better if he left. 

Still, he couldn’t pull himself from the doorway. The soft glow from the fairy light around Patton’s door illuminated it just enough that if roman- Insecurity squinted everything was almost normal. 

Almost is a dangerous word. 

He sighed and ran his hand down the doorway once more eventually finding the courage to step away and sink out. 

He rose in front of his brother’s door. He could hear sounds of moaning and weird splattering almost stabbing sounds emanating from the room. 

Insecurity rolled his eyes. He did not want to speak to his excessive brother after an already emotionally charged day. 

He turned on his heal and marched down the hallway leading deeper into the dark side of the mindscape. Eventually he’d found his door. 

The door had no normal indicator of his flamboyant personality. Instead, there was a simple plack that had read insecurity. He could not help but think of his door back home- in the light sides. His old door was decorated just like the imagination entrance. This one was dull and devoid of life. 

“just like me,” he mumbled to himself mouth twitching upwards in one corner. 

He opened the door figuratively and literally into his new life. 

The room was just like his old one. The desk still cluttered with his failures, the bed unmade, and curtains drawn across the window. There was one difference though. All the mirrors where shattered. Glass shards were spawn throughout the room. 

He only realized that when he took a step and felt a pain shooting through his heal. Despite the overbearing pain he did not double over or shirk curse words. Instead, he just continued walking barefoot toward the bed. Each step hurt worse than the last, but he couldn’t make himself care enough to stop. Once he’d reached the bed, he promptly plopped himself down. He closed his eyes for a moment, his feet were still hanging off the side, his head sinking down into the hard mattress. It was nice. Pretending he didn’t exist except for the squishiness of the bed and the slight prick of the glass. 

He gently opened his eyes. It probably would be best if he took the glass out of his foot. For a moment he imagined logan yelling at him for not wearing shoes when there was broken glass. He imagined the worried glazed from Virgil they both pretended didn’t exist. He imagined Patton pulling him into a bear hug and running to get a medical kit to fix his wounds. 

He smiled, then reality hit. He was a dark side now. They wouldn’t trust him anymore. He had screwed up everything! If only he could go back in time and slap himself for not just giving in and apologizing like he normally does. But of course, it was too late. 

He didn’t regret what he had said per say, he just wished that they could still be a family. That was selfish, he’d hurt them twice now. He needed to get up and apologize for how he acted and go back to fake smiling and playful banter. But there was glass in his foot, and he was tired. 

He sat up and plucked the glass from his foot with shaking hands. A nap wouldn’t hurt. He would just sleep a bit then tomorrow mourning he’d go back up and apologize for overreacting. Yeah, that’s how it’d happen. 

He pulled the last shattered piece of glass from his foot and tossed it onto the ground. He swung his legs onto the bed and closed his eyes. He was so tired. His bones were heavy, and his thoughts were slow. He drifted off into a heavy sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls comment and leave kudos im like begging you.


	3. Suck it up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my many daily experiences of getting all my feelings invalidated your time to shine! hey everyone! theirs a lot (and i mean a lot) of self blame and talk of bad relationships in this chapter. so leave if you must. also Remus is in this chapter so mild gore and violence happening. there is talk about gaslighting. i want ya'll to be careful. roman is just not in a good place right now alrighty kiddos! now buckle up for a unedited travesty that i made and posted at one in the morning!

Roman awoke slowly. First, he felt his dream melt away, then he came to a half-consseis state of realizing he was asleep but not wanting to wake up. then he thought about the day ahead. He had a ton of work to do, he checked off the mental list of duties he had to complete before the end of the day. he felt sunlight softly warming his skin. 

In the distance he heard something rushing into his room and a heavy weight plopping into the bed. Sighing he opened his eyes expecting Patton. 

However, what he saw was not Patton. His brother was staring at him wide eyed with blood dripping down his face. 

Roman huffed and turned away to get back to sleep. Remembering the events of yesterday he winced. Oh well time to procrastinate on his apologies. He hoped, they would come and apologize to me this time! However, he at once brushed off that idea. His fault his mistake. No one cared enough to do anything or even come after him. He could disappear forever and just if he had sent all his work to Logan no one would look for him. 

For a moment he pictured Virgil worried about him coming back from a quest. Fretting over him asking him a million questions and making sure he wasn’t hurt. He imagined Virgil tending to his wounds and kissing him lightly on the lips before the two of them drifting off into sleep. 

That wasn’t gonna happen. He just had to suck it up. no one liked him, not even the fans! Why did he think that even for a moment Virgil would even remotely like him after all the name calling and bs he pulled for years? To be fair Virgil did the same back, and roman apologized after every time. Did that seem to matter to anyone. 

No. 

Because no one cared about him enough to even ask. 

The list of his mistakes got longer every day. Was this it, his whole life had been a mistake anyways. He never had anyone to hold on to. Fake smiles and complements were enough to keep him satisfied. But being the attention brat, he was he craved more. He wanted to be loved for real. No more masks, no more lies, no more pretending. That would never happen, but hey wasn’t he supposed to be the dreamer! 

A finger sharply prodded the side of his face. 

“you gonna get up loser!” roman just rolled over and groaned. Now on his stomach he squeezed his eyes shut even tighter. “I’ve noticed the costume change! Also, the room, you joining me for long?” 

For this roman replied, “sorry brother, but I freaked out yesterday and over-reacted. Now its time for me to apologize so I might have a chance of getting their love back!” 

He heard his brother gasp and mentally rolled his eyes. 

“want to talk about it?” Remus said bouncing slightly on top of the bed. 

Roman turned over to find Remus balancing a knife at the tip of his nose. 

“sure, why not! It’s not like anyone else can hate me more. I deserve it anyways…” Remus's eyes widened, and he dropped the knife. “just gotta suck it up and put a smile on though,” 

“what the fuck roman.” Remus deadpanned. 

“oh, sorry I guess I have to move along with the story.” Roman chuckled awkwardly. 

“I wasn’t talking about that but yeah continue, like how a snail can get pried from its shell and have blood and veins- “ 

“SO” roman cut him off presiding to explain the whole story. 

Once he had finished, they sat in silence. Roman held his eyes shut waiting for his brother to scream at him for being a selfish jerk. However, no such insult came. Instead, he was embraced by a very gooey and sticky Remus. 

“OMG IM SO SORRY! IM GOING TO RIP OUT THEIR INTESTIONS AND WRAP IT AROUND THEIR NECK SO I CAN CHOKE THEM TO DEATH! IM SO SORRY!!!!” Remus sent a few more threats into the still air. “I'm so fucking mad at Janus! He had absolutely no right!” 

“it was my fault anyways, don’t blame them! It fine! I JUST HAVE TO SUCK IT UP! We’ll all recover! I just hope they accept me after the outburst… I don’t think I know how to change back though. I'm still insecurity, but I don’t want to stay like this!” 

Remus only hugged him tighter at this. 

“I'm never letting you go back! I can’t believe how badly they manipulated you. They are fucking gaslighted you don’t you get it!” roman winced at the raised voice. 

“they would never! I'm too stupid for them anyways, it was my fault. I knew I should have just sucked it up!” 

“it not your fault! You're not stupid! I'm going to kill them! They are going to have to apologize and beg for you back. I am not letting you out of my sight.” 

Roman leaned back breaking out of the tight grip. He sighs once more and rubbed his temples aa headache forming. 

“I can’t stay! I have things I need to fix!” roman got up and walked towards the door. “surly you understand! You’re a fellow actor, you know cues and when it's time to put your fake face on again! Even if it hurts you just gotta suck it up and deal!” 

“that is not a healthy mindset dork!” Remus grabbed his arm dragging him back. “is suck it up your motto or something!?! Because that would be even more concerning.” 

“no…” in truth if Remus found out his motto (world cruel, keep your mouth shut you might live, have fun before you die) he would be even more paranoid then now. 

Remus shot him a skeptical look. Dragging him back to his bed and sitting him down. 

“look ro-bro, imma just say this! those guys that said they were you friends, weren’t! now I'm going to gouge their eyes out to see if they are anywhere close to coming here. I'm going to lock the door so you can’t leave, and no sinking out to apologize. I don’t want you with them ever again if I can help it!” 

With that he slammed the door, leaving roman alone with his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep that's my modo. no one care so like i gotta suck it up world cruel meant all that stuff. except no one in irl actually care so... le cri! i hope you enjoyed this chapter!(i know theirs a ton of mistakes!) please leave a comment and some kudos if ya can! have a wonderful day guys/gal/non-binary pals!

**Author's Note:**

> pls comment or leave kudos im tired and i like to think im good at somthing


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